He could tell something was off immediately by the little gasp he gave and the way he stared at him, and it made Vash's own worry spike. He focused on him, looking for anything that might have caused him trouble enough that he froze. And then he found himself being wrapped in a hug, and it was his turn to freeze, his eyes going wide before his shaking arms wrapped hesitantly around the tiny frame in front of him and held him close.
Nicholas was worried about him. Nicholas was reaching out to try and comfort him, wanting to make him feel better, and it hit him like a ton of bricks all at once, even as he tried so hard to keep from letting how much it hurt show on the outside.
How? How could someone have taken this little boy and abused him the way they had? How could they have tried to beat this out of him until the man he became had felt himself undeserving of the same kindness and protection?
It made him so angry, it made him want to scream and cry and hurt the men who'd abused him and Livio and all of the other children they'd tried to warp into good little obedient soldiers, and he hated when he found himself wanting to lash out at other people. He was supposed to be better than that! But what made it worse was the little voice in the back of his head that told him he should be happy. Nicholas was safe, he would never have to go through what Wolfwood had suffered. He could live his life free and happy and never know what the Eye had wanted to do to him!
So why did it hurt so much?
He did his best to bite back the crying that had worried him, but his body still hiccupped gently with the tears, so he just held him a little tighter and put on the best attempt at a smile he could, even if it wasn't visible from the middle of the hold.
"You found Melanie, that's good! I'm so glad, December is so far away and with everyone here, it's not safe for anyone to try and make it that far all by themselves. She must have been so relieved to see you, I know she was worried when you went missing." He didn't even feel the least bit of shame for the little white lie. It was more of a half-truth, anyway. He hadn't talked to her after what happened, no, but it had been clear how much she cared about him, and how upset she had been.
He had no intentions of making him let go before he was ready, even if holding him close reminded him of carrying his body and laying him to rest, and made him realize that he'd never been able to hold him like this before, when he doubtlessly needed to be shown this kindness and care and they were both just too stubborn and stuck in their own heads to bridge that emotional gap for each other.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better.
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Nicholas was worried about him. Nicholas was reaching out to try and comfort him, wanting to make him feel better, and it hit him like a ton of bricks all at once, even as he tried so hard to keep from letting how much it hurt show on the outside.
How? How could someone have taken this little boy and abused him the way they had? How could they have tried to beat this out of him until the man he became had felt himself undeserving of the same kindness and protection?
It made him so angry, it made him want to scream and cry and hurt the men who'd abused him and Livio and all of the other children they'd tried to warp into good little obedient soldiers, and he hated when he found himself wanting to lash out at other people. He was supposed to be better than that! But what made it worse was the little voice in the back of his head that told him he should be happy. Nicholas was safe, he would never have to go through what Wolfwood had suffered. He could live his life free and happy and never know what the Eye had wanted to do to him!
So why did it hurt so much?
He did his best to bite back the crying that had worried him, but his body still hiccupped gently with the tears, so he just held him a little tighter and put on the best attempt at a smile he could, even if it wasn't visible from the middle of the hold.
"You found Melanie, that's good! I'm so glad, December is so far away and with everyone here, it's not safe for anyone to try and make it that far all by themselves. She must have been so relieved to see you, I know she was worried when you went missing." He didn't even feel the least bit of shame for the little white lie. It was more of a half-truth, anyway. He hadn't talked to her after what happened, no, but it had been clear how much she cared about him, and how upset she had been.
He had no intentions of making him let go before he was ready, even if holding him close reminded him of carrying his body and laying him to rest, and made him realize that he'd never been able to hold him like this before, when he doubtlessly needed to be shown this kindness and care and they were both just too stubborn and stuck in their own heads to bridge that emotional gap for each other.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better.