He sighed, but the sound was gentle, not as put out as the expression he gave back would have implied it to be.
"Alright, I'll correct myself. Stop feelin' like you're not allowed to be upset. But I know I'm just..." Talking to a brick wall? Sometimes it felt like it, but that was harsher than he wanted to be, when Blondie was already beating himself up for being an imposition. "Sayin' things I think I've already talked to you about. And don't go feelin' bad about that, either. I know you can't just shut it off. Just...don't beat yourself up like that."
Because that was one of the things they'd talked about, right? One of the things they'd argued over, insomuch as fussing and worrying about each other's inability to shake off their mental demons and trying to talk each other through it was "arguing."
He nodded, leaning just enough against him that he wouldn't knock him off balance, but his presence would be more easily felt as they walked, and his fingers rubbed gently against the material of Needle-Noggin's coat, the old, familiar texture helping cement in his mind that he was back, he was real, both comforting and heart-wrenching at the same time, though he did his best to keep the stronger emotions from flaring up.
"Yeah, just lemonade. Nothin' stronger for me for a good, long while, thanks. That hangover the day after was, frankly, one of the worst I think I've ever had." Though whether it was due to the alcohol or the things they'd done and the turmoil it caused him, he wasn't going to think about right now.
He could feel Needle-Noggin's eyes on him, short as the glances were, and everything in him wanted to look back, to just pull him aside and hold onto him, indulge in the need for contact and reassurance and the safety of knowing he was back, but he forced himself to focus. He knew once he stopped to pay attention to him fully, he wouldn't be able to stop his own little breakdown, especially not once the he began the monumental task of trying to put everything he wanted to say into words. He was so immensely happy to have him back, there was no denying that, but there were also so many things he needed to address, so many big, heavy things he needed to apologize for, that he hadn't even really properly recognized until the very recent past. He still hadn't had time to actually process it all and figure out how he would even begin to start trying to make up for everything he'd done, but he was here, now, and that was what was important. He could just...fumble his way through the specifics in a bit, the way he'd been doing pretty much everything important, lately. It was honestly par for the course, at this point.
The apology managed to make him lift his head and glance around Blondie's head at him in mild confusion before he realized what he meant, and he shook his head.
"Look, you don't need to apologize for that. He told me it was one of the weird shifts, right? It's not like you can control that. And you're here, now. That's what matters." Not that the fact that he had planned to leave hadn't hurt a bit at the time, but his behavior the other day had pushed him to that, hadn't it? It was his own fault. "I..." He cut himself off, his own apology on the tip of his tongue before he realized that that would just open the floodgates, and there was too much to get out here, he needed to wait. So he just sighed, gently. "Look. Once we're back and settled...we can talk about things then, ok? There's stuff I should have said before, but it'll be easier once we're back. If you'll hear it, I mean."
He turned a small smile his way, but there was a sadness to it that he would have preferred not be there. He wanted to make things right, all of it, but it felt like so much, and there was still that little voice in the back of his head that said he didn't deserve the chance.
The mention of July caught him off guard, though, and suddenly he just looked shocked, and maybe a little bit offended at what just had to be the universe's idea of a cruel joke.
"July??? Why's her place all the way out there???" And holy shit, didn't that make it hard for him to go visit her? Was that even a healthy place for them to try and build a home for all of them??? "Shit, we should find a better place for you guys! How easy do you think it'd be to pick up and move house?" Probaby not very, but at least it would be better than the two - or more - of them being next to a place that would be a constant source of so much pain.
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"Alright, I'll correct myself. Stop feelin' like you're not allowed to be upset. But I know I'm just..." Talking to a brick wall? Sometimes it felt like it, but that was harsher than he wanted to be, when Blondie was already beating himself up for being an imposition. "Sayin' things I think I've already talked to you about. And don't go feelin' bad about that, either. I know you can't just shut it off. Just...don't beat yourself up like that."
Because that was one of the things they'd talked about, right? One of the things they'd argued over, insomuch as fussing and worrying about each other's inability to shake off their mental demons and trying to talk each other through it was "arguing."
He nodded, leaning just enough against him that he wouldn't knock him off balance, but his presence would be more easily felt as they walked, and his fingers rubbed gently against the material of Needle-Noggin's coat, the old, familiar texture helping cement in his mind that he was back, he was real, both comforting and heart-wrenching at the same time, though he did his best to keep the stronger emotions from flaring up.
"Yeah, just lemonade. Nothin' stronger for me for a good, long while, thanks. That hangover the day after was, frankly, one of the worst I think I've ever had." Though whether it was due to the alcohol or the things they'd done and the turmoil it caused him, he wasn't going to think about right now.
He could feel Needle-Noggin's eyes on him, short as the glances were, and everything in him wanted to look back, to just pull him aside and hold onto him, indulge in the need for contact and reassurance and the safety of knowing he was back, but he forced himself to focus. He knew once he stopped to pay attention to him fully, he wouldn't be able to stop his own little breakdown, especially not once the he began the monumental task of trying to put everything he wanted to say into words. He was so immensely happy to have him back, there was no denying that, but there were also so many things he needed to address, so many big, heavy things he needed to apologize for, that he hadn't even really properly recognized until the very recent past. He still hadn't had time to actually process it all and figure out how he would even begin to start trying to make up for everything he'd done, but he was here, now, and that was what was important. He could just...fumble his way through the specifics in a bit, the way he'd been doing pretty much everything important, lately. It was honestly par for the course, at this point.
The apology managed to make him lift his head and glance around Blondie's head at him in mild confusion before he realized what he meant, and he shook his head.
"Look, you don't need to apologize for that. He told me it was one of the weird shifts, right? It's not like you can control that. And you're here, now. That's what matters." Not that the fact that he had planned to leave hadn't hurt a bit at the time, but his behavior the other day had pushed him to that, hadn't it? It was his own fault. "I..." He cut himself off, his own apology on the tip of his tongue before he realized that that would just open the floodgates, and there was too much to get out here, he needed to wait. So he just sighed, gently. "Look. Once we're back and settled...we can talk about things then, ok? There's stuff I should have said before, but it'll be easier once we're back. If you'll hear it, I mean."
He turned a small smile his way, but there was a sadness to it that he would have preferred not be there. He wanted to make things right, all of it, but it felt like so much, and there was still that little voice in the back of his head that said he didn't deserve the chance.
The mention of July caught him off guard, though, and suddenly he just looked shocked, and maybe a little bit offended at what just had to be the universe's idea of a cruel joke.
"July??? Why's her place all the way out there???" And holy shit, didn't that make it hard for him to go visit her? Was that even a healthy place for them to try and build a home for all of them??? "Shit, we should find a better place for you guys! How easy do you think it'd be to pick up and move house?" Probaby not very, but at least it would be better than the two - or more - of them being next to a place that would be a constant source of so much pain.