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Nicholas D Wolfwood ([personal profile] louboutinjudas) wrote in [community profile] nomans_land2023-06-08 09:07 am

Somewhere between July and December

1.
[ It wasn't the fastest car he'd ever driven, but it made better time than the old man's shitty station wagon had, and it was definitely faster than walking across the desert. None of the maps he'd found tucked under the seat had Hopeland on them, which was worrisome as all hell, but on one of the maps there was an orphanage marked, just off of a city called December.

The ghost he'd talked to on that mountaintop had told him he'd die in December, but that ghost had also ruined his last cigarette, so fuck that guy. If he died, he died, but first, he was going to make sure Miss Melanie and the kids were okay.

The sedan hums its way across the desert, kicking up a dust cloud that can be seen for miles.
]


2.
[ With a shudder and a hard jolt, the car comes screeching to a halt, the dash going dead as the engine seizes up. Wolfwood swears, punches the dash, then swears again when the solid dash nearly breaks his hand for his trouble. He'd managed to get the car hotwired, but apparently cars in this messed up version of Noman's were more different from the ones he knew than he'd realized. Is it out of oil? Out of charge? Not like he can do anything about it, whatever the problem.

Please ignore the man in black, standing next to a very dead car in the middle of absolute nowhere and screaming at the sky. It's therapeutic profanity, and it really is helping.
]


3.
[ Sunburned and exhausted, Wolfwood crests the hill and finally, there before him, sees the building that his map identifies as the December Orphanage. Even from a distance it's clear that the chaos that's affected the rest of the planet hit here, too -- there's clear bullet holes in at least one side of the building, walls that have collapsed, and the whole place seems as deserted as everywhere else he's been.

But he's here now, so he might as well have a look around.

He really wishes he still had his Punisher, though.
]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Long Stare)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-18 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[He nodded quietly at Wolfwood's rebuke, resigning himself to a long walk in silence. It really was better that way, after all. Even if this Wolfwood was as close to the one he knew as he thought he might be, it would only cause him more trouble, for Vash to let himself give in to the instinct to try and latch onto him in Nick's absence, and it would just make Vash hurt more in the long run.

But then, after a few quiet minutes of walking, Wolfwood was speaking up on his own, and Vash glanced at him, listening, settling into a thoughtful silence for a few minutes after. The thought...hurt, honestly.]


Maybe...maybe it would be easier, in some ways. But...toughening up would mean forcing myself not to care as much about the people around me. I can't help it. Everyone I meet is special, everyone deserves to be happy. I love seeing them thrive, I love listening to the things that make them happy, or watching the children play. And it makes me sad, to watch them go. Every single person has a story, everybody has dreams and joys and hopes, they have people who love them and look up to them or want to take care of them, and it's sad, to watch them go. Even when they get old. I hate having to let them go.

[Yes, even the ones who did horrible things had people who loved them, and if they'd just been in a better place, maybe they wouldn't have had to do those horrible things. When they're gone, they can't be better, and their loss hurts the people who cared about them, and it just causes a ripple effect of pain and sadness. Not feeling the weight of that was something he hoped he never learned to do. The thought of not caring about people was...stifling. Choking.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Pensive)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-19 04:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[There are days Vash agrees with those sentiments, even if he never voices them. He shook his head, a sad little moue on his face when he glanced over for just a moment in Wolfwood's direction.]

Believe it or not, sometimes I wish that were the case. But I can't be the one to pull the trigger. I've seen...[Been]...children. Driven by so much hurt and fear that they lash out, they hurt the people around them. Every one of those people you say need to die...something pushed them to that point. I know they can be better. I've seen it. It's...it's terrifying. But I can't give up hope that they can do better. And if I take that decision from them...

[And he already had. It haunted him, every day. It ate away at him, gnawing at his heart in a way that little else did. Even knowing that doing so had saved Livio, and he would do it over again if he had to because he couldn't let Livio die, not after Nicholas had died to save him. But that didn't mean it didn't weigh on him]

I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. And it hurts. And I-...[He bit down on his lip, hard enough to taste blood, and shook his head sharply. This was not the Wolfwood he had called a coward. This was not the man he wanted to cry and beg forgiveness from. He couldn't give him that, no one could, and he would hate being used as a proxy for his guilt and his grief. So Vash held his tongue.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Timid)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-21 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[This...was a delicate topic, if this Wolfwood was anything like the man he knew. He also knew that it wasn't one that he would hear arguments to the contrary to easily.

But...hindsight was 20/20. Would the man he knew have been so quick to throw his life away if he'd known people cared about him more than he realized? Vash would never know, and he couldn't go back and put words in his own mouth so that he could say the right things when he should have. And it was wrong to treat this man like he was the same as the one he knew, it was.

But Vash was, if nothing else, someone who hated to know that people were suffering. Even if it was self-inflicted.]


Just because someone was forced to do terrible things doesn't make them a monster. They can always choose to be better, even if the things they've been through have made them look like they're beyond hope. [He didn't turn to look at him, not even a sideways glance with his eyes. But all of his attention was hyper-focused on Wolfwood as he spoke.] Sometimes they just need someone there to show them a better way. Things are hard here, people do terrible things because they don't think they have any other choice. I just want to help make things a little easier, for everyone, so maybe they won't have to make those decisions in the future.
celestialcrybaby: (Max Little Glare)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-25 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[The longer he watched those rocks fly, the more he began to wonder when he was going to stop taking his frustrations out on random bits of debris and just hit him. He was honestly a bit surprised he hadn't, already. Maybe this Wolfwood was a bit less...punchy than the one he knew.

But then if his words had been impossible to misinterpret, regardless of how subtle he'd tried to be, Wolfwood's were downright blatant. He felt himself puff up a bit, giving him a look that was equal parts irritated and imploring, his hackles raising for the first time since they'd started talking.]


Hey, I've just been through some things lately, alright? I've always been sensitive, that doesn't mean I can't take care of myself! I've been doing it this long! [How are you feeling to dealing with a whiny, petulant man-child of a Vash, Nicholas? Because this one certainly has his moments.] I just don't want you hating yourself like this, alright? You say you're different than the man I knew, but here you are, saying all the same arguments he always made, and I know he hated himself! You're a nice person, alright? I didn't get to say it to him enough when I had the chance, and he died thinking he was a monster, but he wasn't, he was one of the kindest people I knew, despite all of his flaws!

[Yeah, no, if they aren't talking around it anymore, he'll just go right out and say it straight. While also having himself a big, old pout, shoving his free hand deep into his pocket and sniffling rather loudly while he tried not to start crying the way Wolfwood obviously expected him to.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Shocked)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-25 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[Welp, there it finally was! He was only partly surprised when he felt his head suddenly snapping sideways with the force of the punch, sending him staggering a couple of steps to the side. And oh, it made him mad, so mad! But more than that, it just reinforced all of those feelings he'd been trying not to let himself feel, and rather than unpack just why that might not have been the healthiest of reactions for either of them, regardless of which Wolfwood he was talking to, he caught himself and let out a frustrated yell.

Perhaps surprisingly for Wolfwood, though, punching him won't make him reconsider any of the opinions he had formed of him in the time since he'd walked up to the car and realized he was staring at another version of the man he'd lost in December. That man had used his fists almost as often as he'd used his words. He was old hat with this. He barely even noticed the pain; that would kick in later, after things had settled down, however long that took.]


And there you go, [He lunged back, grabbing for his collar, wanting to just...shake him. He won't hit back, can't hit back. Not yet, maybe not ever, with the memory of Nicholas' face bloodied and staring lifelessly, the smallest smile on his lips as his body grew cold still plaguing his thoughts every chance it got.] lashing out instead of listening! You'd rather push people away than accept the fact that there are people that worry about you! I know what you're doing! Just because you're afraid doesn't mean I'm wrong! People do stupid shit when they're afraid!

[Like run off on their own and get themselves killed, instead of asking for help when they needed it!

He couldn't say those words, though the bubbled up from his chest in a little snarl of rage and hurt, and the urge to shake some sense into him redoubled.]


The only thing people ever taught you how to do was hurt, so you hurt others when you don't know how to deal with something because that's all you know, but it doesn't have to be that way! I know you can be better!
celestialcrybaby: (Max Black Hair Head Down Cry)

LOL My brain won't settle for sleep until I tag to this! XD AUGH

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-25 09:35 pm (UTC)(link)
[He was barely staggered when Wolfwood shoved him away, and at first, the punches were blocked easily enough. He wasn't shocked that they kept coming, and a part of him felt on some level like he deserved it; he knew he should have kept his big mouth shut! He still had a survival instinct, though, so he was moving without thinking, until Nicholas' words got through the rage clouding his thoughts and made him freeze up.

The next blows, to his gut, to his face, sent him tumbling to the ground, hard, winded and hurting, gasping for air, his hands lifting to shield himself as he curled up into a fetal position on the ground.

More than the pain of the blows, though, the truth of what he had said hurt the worst. Because it was true. Every word of it was true, and the pain that wedged itself between his ribs was what really left him gasping for breath.

If Wolfwood wanted him to stop talking, he had found exactly what to say to make it happen. He tried to call for him to stop, for a truce, mercy, but words were suddenly too hard, and the only sound he was able to make was a strangled little yell as he rolled onto his hands and knees. He braced himself, one hand raised for him to stop, but he couldn't stand, not yet, not while he found it so hard to get his breathing to even out.

So instead, he sagged, fighting against the tears and the way his lungs hitched every time he tried to draw in a breath. He was an easy target if Wolfwood still felt the need to take his frustrations out of his hide.

Maybe this really was what he deserved, anyway.]
celestialcrybaby: Modified by me for use with Trimax Continuity (98 Anime Fixed For Max)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-06-26 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[When the quiet lingered and Wolfwood's footsteps put a little distance between them, Vash wilted, his arm dropping slowly to the ground before he pulled it underneath him and let the adrenalin start to fade, the pain to start to kick in, and his lungs to finally start remembering how to work properly. And oh yeah, it hurt, a lot. His face burned, he could taste the blood from his split lip, and even after he'd figured out how to get air back into his lungs, his chest ached. Nicholas was in no way a weak man when he threw his punches.

That wasn't what kept him down though, trying to collect himself before he made his way back to his feet. More than that, it was the shame, mixing with the grief that at times he could push aside, but could never really be free of. It couldn't be pushed aside, now, and so instead, he had to give himself a couple minutes to let it settle into his bones, feeling like poison, making the pains from his hundreds of scars that never fully went away flare up and sap the energy out of him. It would have been so easy, to just lay there, curled up in a ball, until he'd cried himself out and passed out under the suns to wake up in a day, feeling drained and numb.

But he had a job to do, didn't he? He couldn't wallow in it, no matter how much he wanted to. So finally, he sniffed down his tears, pushing them back as he slowly made his way to his feet. Reached down, his movements slow, to grab the strap on his duffel bag and lift it from the ground. His cheek was already swelling, but the look in his eyes was hollow sort of detachment, and he refused to look over at the other man. When he reached his free hand up to press against the ache in his chest, it wasn't across the place he'd been hit, it was higher, rubbing mindlessly at the middle of his chest before pressing flat against the small, flat metal object he kept tucked in his pocket.]


'M sorry.

[It was barely rasped out, and nothing more was said as he lifted his bag back over his shoulder. And then he was walking again, back in the direction they'd been headed before the whole scuffle had happened and slow enough that it was clear he wasn't trying to get away as much as just put the whole thing behind him and get back on their way, as if it had never happened.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Black Hair Head Down)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-07-04 08:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[If only it were that easy, to make him angry enough that he could simply write the man off as a lost cause, someone who didn't deserve love, someone he hated. But hating him would have been a hard thing even before. Vash didn't hate easily. He could be angry, rage, hurt, sometimes even want to lash out and hurt people back. But in the end, he always came back full circle to wanting to take care of people, even the ones who had hurt him, and to see the best in them.

And that was just the ones he hadn't lived side by side with on the road for as long as he had with Wolfwood. No. When it came to Nicholas, nothing he could say or do would make him hate the man, not even one that was different than the man he'd buried in December.

But...he deserved the distance, to have his inherent need for friendship with the man thrown back in his face. He hadn't given the man he cared about the proper respect and care when he'd had the chance. Maybe if he'd told him...maybe if he hadn't tried so hard not to let him become something so precious to him and had instead let him know how cherished he was when he'd been alive, he wouldn't have gone off on his own, thinking his struggles weren't important enough for Vash to want to help, and gotten himself killed.

The thought felt physically painful, like someone was carving his heart out of his chest with a spoon, and for a long time as they walked, he had to choke back the sounds of himself crying. He couldn't stop, no, but Wolfwood wouldn't want to hear his blubbering. It would just irritate him worse, and as much as Vash couldn't stop the voice in his head snarling that he deserved the rage that irritation would make him direct at him all over again, Wolfwood shouldn't have to deal with...this. All of him, all of his guilt.

Some time through the walk, he mindlessly pulled the little silver lighter out of his pocket, clutching onto it tightly in his fingers, his thumb rubbing over the grooves and ridges of the separation between the body and the lid. When his hand moved to press the side of his fingers against his mouth in an old anxious gesture he didn't even realize he was doing, it pressed the top corner of the lid against his lips instead. It wasn't a kiss to the thing, but it looked as close as it could be. Mostly, though, simply holding it helped to calm him as much as he could be calmed with those dark thoughts rolling through his mind, and after a while, the tears stopped needing to be choked back under hiccupped breaths.

They had been walking for a long time when he pulled it away from his mouth just long enough for his voice to finally call out again, soft and scratchy, curious and not unkind but neutral, just needing the information, not trying to reach out like he had been before.]


Where are you heading? [It made sense, after all, for him to know where he would need to take him. That way, he could make sure he didn't head in a wrong direction somewhere and land them in the wrong place before Wolfwood had noticed to tell him.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Angry Gun)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-07-07 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[Vash doesn't immediately start crying again when he tells him where he's headed, but his feet did try and trip over themselves for a brief moment of shock, and he had to take a moment to stop himself, reminding himself to breathe before he started walking again. This time, his gait was...perhaps not more determined, but his footsteps came down harder in the sand, and he gave a small humming sound. The hand in front of his face moved, thumping himself on the forehead, lighter and all, as he grimaced. No, no crying, stop panicking, it was fine!

Finally, he was able to force words out again, huffing in frustration at the old, familiar feeling of the nonexistent barrier in his throat that made it feel physically impossible to talk.]


They're not there. They got on the rescue ship and went to Octovern. I was there, couple weeks ago, nobody's back yet.

[He's not going to try and dissuade him from going. He knows when Wolfwood gets something in his head, getting him to not do it is harder than pulling teeth. But he would still tell him the facts and let him decide what to do with them. And then fight down the feeling of being physically ill that the thought of him going back there, even knowing it was safe, made him feel.

At the same time, there was a little voice in the back of his head that dimly realized; if he knew what happened there, enough to preemptively scold Vash for crying over the whole thing, then maybe at least he'd be prepared enough to protect himself if anyone had come back. But then it also wanted to snarl out at him - If he knows what happened there, then why is he going back? There's nothing for him there!]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Aiming Stare)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-07-07 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[Ok, that attitude was just a little uncalled for, if he was being perfectly honest, and he had to grit his teeth to keep from starting another stupid argument.

At least the Wolfwood he knew hadn't been this much of a petulant asshole, and that was saying something. This one was acting like he was a twelve year old, right now.]


That's not what I said, was it? [That sarcasm was returned. You're going to act like a child, he'll talk to you like you were a child.] I was visiting December when it happened! Where I'm from, it's been almost a year since everything happened. People had started moving back to the cities, back home. But then the earthquakes hit, and suddenly the kids and Melanie were gone again, and everyone was back in Octovern, like I'd jumped back in time.

Me and Livio even looked, to make sure nobody was left behind. This isn't my home, but I know nobody is in December.

[Nobody alive, at least. The grave was still there. And whether or not it was the grave from his home or the one that belonged to a man native to this reality, he didn't want to put much thought into. It was still Wolfwood's grave. That was the only thing that mattered, because if he let himself think about the possibility of the grave he had dug with his own two hands being in some other world, unattended and uncared for, he didn't know what he would do.]
celestialcrybaby: (Max Bewildered)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-07-07 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[Maybe it was the raised tensions, but when that rock went whizzing past his head, it hit, metaphorically speaking, too close to events that were recent and bad enough that for a moment, he expected there to be more of them, and he violently recoiled, letting out a wheezing little gasp as he dodged to the side and actually raised the hand holding the lighter as if to fend off another barrage of rocks. When he'd been walking close enough that he could watch him kicking them and they hadn't been veering that close to making contact, it had been fine. After walking for a while in silence and without the things flying across the desert every other step, he'd almost forgotten he'd been doing it in the first place, so the shock of that one threw him for a loop.]

Fuck-...! Watch it with those, wouldja???

[He tried to give him a scolding glare, but there was just enough actual fear under the surface of the expression that it probably wasn't very effective. He adjusted his gait until he was walking almost in step with him, a couple of yarz to the side and well out of the way of any more projectiles as he tried to get the memory of people screaming about the demon, the monster as they literally tried to stone him, out of his head.

He tried to settle his nerves as they went silent again, rubbing at the goosebumps that shivered up his neck, and had almost relaxed again by the time Wolfwood spoke up again. This time, though, his tone was so different that it confused him, and he glanced back, his brow furrowed before realization sank in.

Oh.

Ok. It stood to reason that Livio would get his attention. He hadn't even thought about what it might mean for Nicholas, when he'd mentioned the man, he'd still just been stating facts. He might have broached the topic of the man's presence there a bit differently, if he had. That was an oversight on his part.]


I'm...not too sure. [The snarl was gone, and his own voice had dropped to match Wolfwood's, most of the anger dissolving the way it usually did after one of his little, pointless squabbles with him were over. Or at least, the other him.] He wanted to make sure the kids were ok, so I assume Octovern. We split up a little while later.
celestialcrybaby: (Max Squint Black Hair)

[personal profile] celestialcrybaby 2023-07-09 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[He was quiet for a moment, considering the logistics of Wolfwood looking for the residents of the orphanage in Octovern. If things were the same as they'd been back home, then they would be under the protection of the Home ship. Brad and Luida would gladly welcome him back and give him someplace safe to stay, if he wanted it, but as far as they knew, Wolfwood was dead.]

I was headed that way, too. I know where they'll be, if things are like they were where I'm from. Lots of things seem to line up, so it's a safe bet, and it should be easy enough for you to get around safely once you're in the city. [He glanced over at him only briefly before sighing and looking away again, at a point on the horizon.] You'll want to find Luida or Brad, if you know them. But you showing up might cause a bit of a stir. They knew what happened, to the other you. They won't be expecting you to show up.

If it helps...I can stay long enough to help vouch for you. I want to see if I can talk to the sisters there. They might know what happened to cause us to come together like this, and I want to try and help get everyone home, if it's possible.

For what it's worth, though...after everything settled down back home, the Earth ships...they started to bring supplies and tried to help stabilize things, but...things were tense, between them and..."us." They started asserting authority, and you know how people here are. They don't like being told what to do. And they brought with them a pretty large military force. So be careful.

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