nomans_land | (no subject)

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Not every town is abandoned, as time continues its shenanigans. This one is as run down as any other, cobbled together with parts and debris, but it seems intact enough, its plant dangling over the town, people going about their business for the most part unperturbed.

For the most part. There is some grumbling, most of it more nervous than angry, that their new neighbor is a well known monster, and how dangerous it is to be so close. The only reassurance, nothing bad has happened yet.

Yet.

Sitting in the rocking chair of his newly acquired home's creaky porch, Knives Millions does absolutely nothing to any of them. He hasn't harmed anyone as yet, but part of the town seems to be from his time, not whatever base timeline it is, and running on reputation alone means he's so far been unbothered in return, and the plant is being treated with exceptional care. Had she been, before he arrived? He wasn't sure. But he can tell from here her mood was content, so he does nothing besides sit there, rocking idly, and cleaning the gun he'd liberated from someone else several days before.

A beat up jeeplike vehicle sits in the shade behind the house, and there is a tiny, perhaps six or so inches high, little sprout of broad leafed green growing determinedly by the porch. With the door wide open, it's fairly obvious this home had once been occupied with people distinctly Not Knives, but there's no signs of violence.

It's peaceful enough for the moment.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A human's lifespan is very variable. In this desert, far away from things like regular doctors, vitamins and sunscreen, they're doing good if they make it to fifty. In ideal circumstances, a human can make it easily to a hundred. With exceptional circumstances, longer. But those circumstances require a lot of technology.

[It's hard to explain aging to someone who should never have to experience it. And Rem.. He looks around slowly, attempting to gague the technology level she has available.

Clearly Vash means this one.]

If you and Nai can convince her to relocate to a bigger city, she could well make it into her eighties without much difficulty. Out here, anything could happen. It's not safe for a lone normal human, not really, but with you two there to care for her, and make sure she eats according to proper human diets and gets medical care, I don't see why she couldn't last a long time by human terms.

[ He means every Rem, but this one is the only one he'll get to see grow old. Knives's words are a relief, and Vash sags back against his side, worry about Rem's impending death abated. ]

She's not scared of you, you know.

[ Knives had said before that he didn't want to come visit because Rem would be uncomfortable with a strange man in her house. That didn't sound right at the time, and Vash is certain by now that that's not the real reason Knives is avoiding her. Is it because it's too hard, too sad, to see somebody who died a long time ago? Because with how old big brother is, Rem, as a normal human, must have died ages ago. ]

I bet she'd like to see you.

[That's confirmation. Vash was worried about his current caregiver, maybe about the Rem back on some ship in space, not yet fallen to the ground. He couldn't blame him for it, at that age, wasn't he, too--

The thought is shaken off, because now the subject is his visiting, and he sighs.]

She might think she does. But humans react badly when they realize there's a predator lurking free in their home, really realize it. I'm not the boy she thinks of, and I haven't been for a very long time.

[Wasn't there supposed to be more honesty? Fewer secrets, fewer things to be used against him.]

And when I see her, I see someone else standing there, hear a different voice. I don't know that I won't treat her like she's someone else. Nobody deserves that, not even a human.

I understand.

[ Knives's Rem must have lived to be so old! She really would have been a different person from this Rem. She wouldn't see him as a predator though, that's silly. Knives is only scary when he's defending Tessla, or, or thinking about keeping Nai safe. He'd never hurt Rem, and she doesn't have any reason to be scared of him! ]

She's not my Rem either. And I love her! But... but sometimes she doesn't remember the same things I do, and that's... [ What's the word he wants? ] ...sad?

[ Lonely is really the word he wanted. Every time she doesn't remember things the same way he does, every time Nai doesn't remember things the same way he does, it's another reminder about what he's lost. About how alone he is.

But he's not really alone, and neither is Knives, not anymore! ]

But she's still a Rem, just like I'm a Vash, right? I'm not your brother, but I'm still your brother, and she's still Rem.

[He would, presumably, never physically hurt Rem. She wouldn't likely ever be a threat worthy of taking seriously to such a degree. In the end, she was a human, and one that refused to raise a weapon.

When he speaks again, his voice is quiet, but thoroughly controlled. No emotion bleeds in, through voice or mind.]

That's the problem, isn't it? If I assume she's like the Rem I knew, then I could never trust her with your care, or Nai's. I must believe she is different, and that you are safe here, and well protected.

[ That's not at all what he thought Knives would say. Vash leans back, to better see Knives's expression, since he's not getting anything over their connection. ]

Do you mean, because of Tessla?

[ Rem was part of her torture, after all. Not as big a part as the others, true, but... she was still there. She still helped, for awhile. ]

Among other things. But if you weren't already told, it's possible they don't know. It won't be pleasant to hear, but I will.. if you want, explain.

[A little bit of bleakness edges into his tone by degrees.]

We may not get along well anymore, if I do.

[ A thread of fear snakes along their connection. It's never easy to hear bad news, and knowing that the bad news is coming doesn't make it any easier to accept.

But there's no fear in Vash's face or his voice. ]

Tell me.

[A breath, slow. In, out.]

The Rem I knew is probably a lot like yours on the surface. She acted kind, gentle, won't lift a weapon to save herself or anyone else. Anyone else. And we loved her anyway, even though she didn't stop what they did to Tessla, and maybe even helped. Conrad protested too, and it did no good to anyone, even with two of them versus only a handful of scientists. But she assured us that somehow she'd protect us, even though with help last time she couldn't. And we believed her. I believed her. Enough to pack enough supplies and gear for three on the escape shuttle. I was so certain she meant it.

[Vash knows about the Fall already.]

But when the ships began to crash, she closed us in by ourselves and refused to come. I tried, she would not get onboard. What could I do? I was a child, I didn't yet have the power to make her get on. She chose to leave us, in order to save her own kind. She knew what our odds would be, out there alone by ourselves, and even though she swore she'd keep us safe, she decided humans were more important than us. I thought she'd change her mind, but she left us to die in the desert and stayed onboard the ship. It didn't survive entry into the atmosphere.

[The edge of bleakness doesn't disappear. Vash never forgave him. For the Fall, maybe, but Rem's death?

Never.

This Vash would not likely be any different. He'd said before his brothers have a reason for treating him how they do.]

I never found her. We looked, once we recovered from our own crash.

Edited (REDUNDANCIES) 2023-09-15 18:56 (UTC)

[ I was so certain she meant it, Knives says, and something in Vash's stomach twists, hard. He doesn't want Knives to keep going, but he needs Knives to keep going. He has to know.

He's crying by the time Knives finishes, tears pouring down his face, unable to accept what he's just heard. All the people -- well, most of the people -- in the ships died, he knows that. He's accepted that... but Rem? Rem died?

Rem died?

It's not true. It can't be true, she can't have died, he doesn't... he can't, it's too hot in here, he feels like he's choking, Rem died, he needs to get outside, there's no air in here! He pushes away from Knives, scrambling to his feet, running -- stumbling, mostly -- outside into the cool evening air. He trips, not far outside the door, and ends up in a ball in the dirt, crying so hard he can't breathe. ]

[This is precisely what he expects, and he doesn't move as Vash scrambles to his feet and runs, taking any hope of a different outcome with him. He'd known, even when they'd first met, that this is how it would end.

This is how it was. How it would always be, someone else's horror and grief singing a painful requiem in the back of his mind.

What good would lying have done, beyond prolong the inevitable? How much worse would it have been to find out from someone else? Not that it mattered, he understood that; the result was the same. Even if Rem's death had been unintended, he was squarely at fault for it, and that would be the only thing that mattered to his brothers.

Carefully, with experienced practice, Knives packs up his own emotions before they can burn hot trails down his face, before anything like weakness can slip free aside from a long, soft sigh. It takes some doing to steel himself for what must follow, to ensure that Vash's pain and fear remained thoroughly fixed on him and not his true twin or Nai. He's already the monster in the dreams of all his other kin. He can endure one more.

He can. He must. It's how it has to be, or someone innocent might be the target of that tangle of horror instead.

He rises smoothly, ignoring the protest of joints and age, and follows the sounds of misery; it didn't seem like the littlest of his brothers has gotten very far at all. Vash had always been clumsy in his grief. Another similarity, no matter the universe, and one he considers with a critical eye, forcefully detached from the emotion that should be there. He can't afford to allow himself to feel.

How did this go, before? It's been so long.

Knives crouches in the dust nearby, reaching one calloused hand.]

Vash. Vash.

[ He doesn't hear Knives approaching, can't hear much of anything over his own sobbing. He'd thought losing his Rem to their sisters's portals was bad enough -- she's gone, he'll never see her again, has no way to contact her, talk to her, hold her again. But she's not dead. She's elsewhere, she didn't burn up, didn't blow up, she's not dead.

Vash. A familiar voice, behind him, and a moment later the presence registers -- Knives. Brother.

Reaching out blindly, Vash grabs onto Knives, pulling himself into his brother's chest, burying his face in Knives's shirt and holding on for dear life. His feelings are a jumble of pain and grief, his mental voice is just a wail, but there's no anger. There's no room for anger. ]

[There will be, in time, as surely as the suns would rise in the morning.

The only problem is, Rem's not dead. Not Vash's, anyway, or the one in this world, this grief, this loss, it's an echo, the fear of what might be, wasn't it? She'd come back, they'd return to playing family together perhaps after another tearful heart-to-heart where Rem would continue to instill her unreachable ideals, and all of this can fade to an unwanted nightmare.

Maybe it needed to be more personal to stick, than the distant loss of someone a couple hundred years' dust and ash. As Vash twists around suddenly to cling to his shirt, still sobbing brokenly, Knives casts a long look towards July's distant, flickering lights, the muted howl of his own re-stirred anguish ignored after so much time and experience with it. He could make it more personal, cement his place and permanently keep Nai free of questioning glances and doubt.

But then the twins would be cast adrift alone again, in an endless sea of sand. Sure, they'd be together, but who would keep them safe?

Not him, not if he's the bogeyman. Part of him yearns desperately to try something different, but the rest of him knows it's pointless to try. Hope had been beaten out of him long, long ago, leaving only its pale cousin of delusion behind.]

Vash. Take a breath, you're turning purple.

[He wasn't. A bit red, sure but not purple.]

[ There's a huge difference between hearing about a tragedy and experiencing it firsthand. If Vash had watched Rem die, if they were standing outside of their shuttle as the ships rained out of the sky, his reaction would have been very different.

But he doesn't have to experience the horror -- he'll never see it firsthand. It's just the idea of Rem's death, just the story of the ships crashing and causing so many deaths that has Vash going red-faced with sorrow, for himself, for Rem, and for Knives, for all the losses he's suffered.

He'd made a place for her in the escape pod. Knives wanted Rem to escape with them, but she'd stayed behind. She'd stayed.

Vash takes a gasping breath, and another, but the sobs don't want to stop. ]

Why?!

[ Why did she stay? He doesn't understand why she'd stay! Why didn't she go with them? ]

[Were it not for the fact that young plants only recently stirred to the idea of telepathy were TERRIBLE at guarding their thoughts, he might have thought that was the question that relentlessly pursued him. Why did he do it?

He knew why he did. He'll never understand why Rem did. Why she'd leave two children to die in the desert, if they survived the crash at all, in the attempt to save the very creatures he'd set out to destroy.

In the end, truth wins out. Truth as he sees it.]

I don't know. I can guess; after all, I'd do anything to save my own kind. It's not a surprise that she'd do the same.

[Some of the edge to his voice softens a little. He only knew her for a year, but just like Vash, Rem had left permanent marks on him.]

Even after all this time considering it, I don't think she'd have actually protected us. She didn't try very hard to save Tessla, just talked. She'd never have raised a gun, or a blade, or even a fist in our defense. She might have stood in the way, or might have argued. But when it came down to it, she chose humans over us, so she would have if confronted by them sooner.

[He leans a little, nose brushing the blond tips of Vash's hair, eyes closed.]

It doesn't really matter. She's long dead.

Don't!

[ And there's the anger -- just a flash of it -- at the cavalier way Knives dismisses her death. ]

Don't say it like that! [ Like she didn't matter. Like her death didn't matter. ] It doesn't matter if it was a long time ago! It still happened! She still...

[ Died. Oh, that thought's going to hurt for a long while still, but Knives's words give him something else to cling to, something to feel other than this bottomless grief. ]

She tried to save everyone, right? [ He can barely get the words out... but that's what happened, isn't that what Knives said? He and his brother were in the escape pod. They were safe, so she went back for everyone else. Right? ] Isn't that a good thing?

[ Is he missing something? Because it sounds to him like Rem did the right thing, but Knives is talking like she betrayed them. He doesn't understand. ]

It doesn't matter because she's gone, and the person here is not her. They don't even look the same except vaguely. Her reasons why don't matter, she can't explain them to anyone, and never will. What good is it to dwell on it?

[Maybe she'd known who set the fleet on their path to destruction, and didn't want to spend the rest of her life in the presence of a remorseless killer. He didn't know. He didn't really care anymore, except that the first human he'd ever trusted left them to die.

Vash has never tried to fly an escape pod without ever having seen the controls before, or crawled out of the wreckage later when he found out that just winging it doesn't really work.]

She didn't try to save us at all. My brother believes it's a good thing, but he also does not believe he and I should be included in 'everyone'. Apparently she felt the same.

No, but...

[ He pulls back a little, hands still clutched in Knives's shirt, but no longer seeking comfort against him. What he's saying doesn't make any sense. ]

The ship was gonna crash, right? So... so everyone had to get out, but you were already getting out, you were in the pod! You... you were already gonna be saved, I don't... why are you mad at her?

[ And here come the tears again. ]

She was brave!

The shuttle can't fly itself. Not a pod, a shuttle; it requires a pilot.

[It's blunt. Rote. This is an old argument.]

I didn't know how. My brother didn't know how. It had no autopilot we knew how to engage. All the launch sequence did was shoot us into space, gravity pulled us down. Luck saved us, Vash. And when we crashed and burned just like the fleet, the worms did more to save us than Rem ever even tried for.

[That last sounds like hyperbole but it's the truth, the worms really did do a lot.]

Edited 2023-09-15 21:44 (UTC)

[ Through his tears, there's realization dawning. He's starting to understand why Knives said they wouldn't be as close, after. ]

You didn't know how to fly it.

[ They were going to escape in the shuttle, Knives, and his Vash, and Rem. Knives put supplies in the shuttle, he said. He planned their escape... but he didn't learn how to fly the shuttle. He assumed Rem would do that part.

And then Rem stayed behind, and they crashed, because she wasn't with them.

Vash lets go of Knives's shirt, and takes a step back, wiping his wet face on the back of his hand. ]

Did she know? That it was you?

If I thought she'd leave us behind I would have learned how to be a pilot enough to get us down. It was unthinkable to even imagine she wouldn't go with us.

[And then she didn't.]

I wasn't old enough to know to plan for the worst possible outcomes yet, I wasn't even old enough to think there could be any other outcome than our safe escape together, and the fairytale happy ending that I was sure would result.

[He remains neutral when Vash pulls away, and doesn't prevent it. It would, sooner or later, loop back into the same problem. It didn't matter what his reasons were, or that it hadn't been intentional. Later, on the long drive home, he'd be able to take the barriers around his emotions down long enough to get it out of his system before returning to Tessla. He could feel, then.

There's a pause as he considers, both memory and Vash, and he shakes his head.]

If she did, I don't remember any sign of it.

[ He nods a little, trying to sort out everything Knives has said, and hasn't said, and how he feels about all of it. Part of him wants to yell, send Knives away, drive him off... but this is still his brother. This is still who his brother was going to become, and he can't hate him. He can't. ]

Maybe... maybe she thought you knew how to fly it. [ He wasn't there, he doesn't know, but... but it seems reasonable? ] Maybe she was just scared, and didn't realize that you couldn't. I'd have been scared.

[ Vash's superpower has always been empathy, being able to see situations from the perspectives of others, even when he disagrees with them. He can't help but imagine, as much as he can, anyway, what it must have been like to be on a ship that was crashing, and to only have a few minutes to escape. Would he have known to ask if Knives could fly the shuttle before shoving him inside? Or would he have just been grateful that there was a shuttle available, so the twins could escape? ]

You wanted to save her, and she wanted to save you.

Maybe she thought God would miraculously intervene and spare everyone. We'll never know what she thought, only what she did, and that ... wasn't saving us.

[Empathy was not his strong point. That had been a formative experience of his young life, discovering Tessla and then shortly later being betrayed by the closest thing to a mother he had.]

I can't forgive it, any more than my brother can forgive me for her death.

[His gaze slides away, back towards July. Or is it JuLai now?]

But I can allow that your Rem, and the one who lives here, are different. Otherwise, I would have to consider that if it came to it and those refugees came for you to use you as batteries or food, she would not raise a weapon to save you. I would prefer to think otherwise.

[ Later, when thinking over this conversation again, Vash will realize that Knives has been holding on to that anger at Rem for so long that he maybe doesn't know how to put it down. For now, though, exhausted from grief and the stress of the last few days, he doesn't know how to respond. How can he respond to the idea that Rem abandoned them? That Knives resents her? She's Rem. He can't imagine ever hating her!

Not having faith in her, though... he's starting to understand that perspective, as much as he wishes otherwise. ]

She wouldn't let anyone hurt us.

[ At least, he doesn't think she would. Use you as batteries or food... the thought of that makes him tremble. Cannibalism is too strange, too cinematic to be real -- people don't eat people here, do they? -- but the batteries part? That's a horror he can picture only too well. He and Nai are independent plants! They can't live in a bulb like their sisters, it'd kill them! ...At least, he thinks it'd kill them. He doesn't really know.

But either way, Ren would stop them! Wouldn't she? She doesn't have a gun, true, but she'd try to defend them. He's sure of that. Would it be enough, though? If somebody was going to kidnap them because they wanted to use them like bulb plants, then having Rem shouting at them to leave wouldn't scare them off at all, would it? It would only get her killed.

It's like the ground under him just fell away. Rem can't protect them.

Not that far off, there's whole campsites of human refugees, people who have been fleeing the disappearing cities, and people showing up to see what's happening. How long until somebody spots their station? How long until somebody spots him? ]

Maybe you, um. Maybe you should teach me how to shoot now?

[Chances are high no Rem Saverem is ever going to use a gun on someone.]

Hopefully that's true.

[He'd come to similar conclusions a while back. Even if Rem HAD wanted to save them, what could she actually have accomplished with staunch pacifism? If bandits showed up they wouldn't be talked down by an easy target.]

But a human once said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." For a planet like this, it's a good philosophy. A weapon such as a gun is a great equalizer.

[Which is why he'd gotten them for these little plants to begin with. Even if their powers didn't work or work reliably yet, a bullet didn't care about powers or age. It didn't discriminate, it dealt with everything with the same deadly equanimity.]

.....Hm. [The gun was in his beat up jeep. And ammunition to spare.] You should probably try to get some rest first. Your firs time handling live ammunition should not be when you're sick and having a very bad day.