nomans_land | Geranium

Geranium

[ A small podunk town outside of Lost July now houses a small science station, cobbled together by pieces from an escape pod. Rem has been busy cataloguing everything she's managed to put together about both NoMan's Land and this glitch in it so far. Her data pad is overfilled with information, including some pre-downloaded survival tips for hot climates.

It means she's not longer horribly sunburnt, at least.

A radio dish and a messy attempt at a solar panel has been somewhat haphazardly attached to the roof of the house she's taken over, but there hasn't been enough parts to finish them so neither of them have been working right so far. The radio sends signals, but the receiver doesn't work. She keeps trying, though, and the adult Vash she met had been helping her set everything up so that she could live there.

Right now she can be found outside of the house, shaking out blankets and hanging them over a line. Vash had left to find more provisions, and she wanted the other bedroom to be clean when he came back. It's very domestic, and she's singing softly to herself. ]

Sooo... on the first celestial evening, a pebble from somewhere out of nowhere drops upon the dreaming world~♪

[ Rem has held it together fairly well so far, but she can't deny the nightmares and the rush of grief that falls over her in the times she's alone in the house, scarred to the bone by the catastrophe she barely escaped. All the dead in the crash, and all the suffering on this planet. ]

Sooo... on the second celestial evening, all the children of the pebble held hands and composed a waltz~♪

[ Rem shakes out another blanket - a smaller one this time, perfectly sized for a child. She needs to get that radio working so that she can try to contact other settlements and see if anyone has seen small versions of her twins. While she met an adult Vash, she's worried that this timeline mess also means that her little twins are around. ]

Sooo... on the third celestial evening, the children's waltz spawned rippling waves across the waking world~♪

[ Then there was Nai. She still hasn't found him, not even an adult version, and she's not stupid - she knows what he did now, but he's her boy, and she needs to know more. She needs to understand why, and she's not ready to hear that something happened to him. She can barely stand the well-hidden (but still obvious to her) sadness in Vash's eyes. ]

Sooo... on the fourth celestial evening, the waves showered the ground upon which every child wandered~♪

[ She shakes out clothes this time, her ship uniform changed to some salvaged clothes and a hooded cloak that protects her from the sun. ]

Sooo... on the fifth celestial evening, the showers on the earth became its beacon of existence~♪

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Tired, huh? It's must have been hard out there.

[ She can almost count on her fingers the time she's heard Nai admit he's tired, and it definitely means he's been through a lot. She steadies him a bit and then carefully stands up with him in her arms. He's getting far, far too big for this, but sometimes even big boys need to be held.

He's just a boy. Just a boy. How could he have done anything she was told? ]

Let's go inside and rest.

[ it had been a long time since he'd been carried like this, but he doesn't have it in him to care or even mind the coddling. maybe if he keeps his eyes closed long enough he'll wake up in his bed back on the ship.

all just a bad, bad dream. ]

Okay... [ vash will return anytime now and along with him, the way he looks at nai that only makes his gut sink even more. he hates that he feels this way, his arrival here just a never ending ride of dread and anger and tears. ] Will you stay with me?

I'm not going anywhere. You can rest as long as you like.

[ Rem says softly, rubbing his back a little bit. It just seems so impossible that this boy was the cause for so much suffering, with the way he's clinging to her, with the way he's just so... Nai. Vash was always the more outgoing and loud, but Nai had so many emotions inside his little body.

If he leaned into anger...

She sighs softly and leans her face into his hair, with the horrible cut she had struggled to give them, and places a kiss right there. ]

You're safe, now.

[ his mind is swimming and he's sure any more of this and he'll surely drown. it isn't fair, it just isn't fair that he has to feel this way! his fingers curl into the fabric of rem's cloak, rubbing his eyes against her shoulder as if that might dispel the burn of tears threatening him again. ]

Rem, I-

[ those dreaded emotions are rising up, choking his throat. ] I-I think I did something bad. [ tears spilling out and staining rem's shoulder, his voice breaks on the last word - bad. unforgivable even, when he sees the way vash looks at him, the way they talk about the suffering they've endured - because of him? he doesn't want to believe it, but at this point it feels like petty denial. ] I hurt Vash and- and I don't know... I don't know...

[ She gently rubs his back, holding him not unlike when they were little-little, just toddlers in need of comfort after a long day. Rem feels her shoulder start to turn damp and it breaks her heart. ]

Hey. It will be alright, Nai. Do you... do you remember the last time we met? What were we doing?

[ Was he from before or after the crash? With the way he sounds unsure, it's hard to tell if he hasn't actually done those things the older Vash told her yet, or if the whole thing has made him repress his memories. ]

Vash will be okay. He loves you.

Tesla... [ his voice is tiny, whispered against her shoulder. he bites down on his lower lip to keep it from trembling. the bomb of tesla had been dropped and nai's entire world had shattered, ushering in a new wave of fear and paranoia he'd never experienced before.

rem's soothing circles against his back help a little in breaking up the sob that threatens to burst out of him. ] It hurts- it hurts when I think about her, b-but I don't know... [ he sniffs wetly, breath shaky. ] He shouldn't love me, I hurt him.

[ Oh. She hugs him closer, rubbing his back a little. Rem had hoped they would have been older before she told them about her and the horrible mistakes at had been made, but they found her on their own. Too smart, her boys... was it there she had lost Nai to anger and hatred?

He's clinging to her, though. Confused and scared and so, so little. That sob breaks her heart even more. ]

I understand that. It's because you're so kind, Nai. You feel her pain. I'm so sorry you both saw that. [ So sorry she hid it from them. ]

Vash will always love you, Nai. Even if you hurt him. Remember what I said? There's nothing that cannot be fixed as long as everyone's alive.

[ he wants so badly to be how he always is, cool and collected and mature beyond his years - this ugly weakness brings him to his knees. it's his responsibility to be a pillar of strength for his brother and yet he's failed at every turn now. how can he reconcile with this ruination?

the sob shakes him, throat too tight to speak as much as he wants to scream and deny everything. vash should hate him, as terrifying as the thought is for him. maybe rem should too, after all the damage he caused for her kind. but she's still here, rubbing his back and holding him close as he ruins her clothes with his snotty tears and selfishly, he can't help but be thankful he isn't alone.

slowly he raises his head and tries to scrub his face of mess with the back of his hand. his breaths come in small hiccups, the warning throb of an oncoming headache behind his eyes. he doesn't know what to say, worrying his lower lip between his teeth as he keeps his eyes downcast from rem's. ]

[ When he raises his head and wipes at his eyes, she gently helps with her own sleeve and then leans in to press her lips against his forehead. For every horror he might spring upon the human race, she could never give up on him.

If she had known, she would have helped him so much more. That was her failure, and all she can do is make it up to him, now. ]

Nai. You're such a good boy. I'm so sorry that it all happened this way, and I'm sorry you're hurting. It's okay to be upset, it's okay to be angry.

[ he feels so silly like this. his cheeks and ears are flushed hot from exertion and all he can think about is how terrible he must look right now. worse yet is how terrible he feels, wrung out and exhausted.

rem's kiss leaves a lingering warmth on his skin, brow still creased. even now his mind is racing, unable to settle properly. ]

I don't understand... [ he starts, voice hoarse from crying. ] Everything feels wrong now. [ frustration building, but exhaustion keeps it at a low simmer. his voice drops nearly to a whisper. ] I can't forgive them.

I know, Nai. It's so, so much. You don't have to forgive anything that's been done, and you have all the right in the world to be angry and upset about it. It was wrong.

[ She rubs his back again, desperately wanting anything she says to change the future, to make him feel safe. ]

I just ask that you try to understand their reasons. It doesn't make it more right, and it doesn't mean forgiveness. Just an explanation why some people make wrong choices.

[ God, he's so young. So young, yet... ]

Talk to me, sweetheart. I'm not going to be mad if you have feelings that you think will upset me.

[ he nearly worries his lip open under a sharp canine, blood rushing to the surface. his hands tighten into fists that rest against rem's shoulders, so tight they tremble. ]

I hate them... I hate them. [ his voice shakes, but his eyes are thankfully dry. he's cried enough for the next hundred years. ] They're horrible, and cruel, and hateful and Vash doesn't understand it at all! [ his vash, weak and oh so happy to smile and play the part of a well-behaved pet. ] He doesn't understand, but- but I do. I saw his name in her folder and what if- what if- [ balled up fists pressed against his eyes until he sees stars. ] The doctors are going to take him away and hurt him, just like they hurt her, but I can't let that happen- [ the air feels thinner, he can't seem to breathe in enough with the way his heart is pounding. all he can hear is a roaring in his ears, drowning everything in a disorienting static. ]

I know, I know, Nai. It's okay.

[ She can see that he's working himself up into a panic attack, and carefully cradles his face in her hands, gently trying to make him look at her. ] Nai. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe in... and out. Everything will be okay. Just focus on breathing. You're safe, Vash is safe. I would never let anything happen to you both.

[ It's hard to hear his anger, his panic over it all and she tries, she tries to calm her poor boy down. ] Breathe. You're not wrong, Nai. Some people are terrible, unjust and cruel. Humans are flawed creatures and learn slowly from their mistakes. They lash out against things that they do not understand and that frighten them. Breathe.

[ He needs to get it out and she's relieved that he does, because internalizing it would only make it worse. ]

...but for every terrible person, there are hundreds, thousands more that love and cherish eachother. Kind people who will look at you and Vash and call you miracles. Who will protect you. Breathe.

[ it's a slow process coming down from the high of fear he now finds himself at. his vision is swimming and rem is at the center of everything he can see. his emotions are scattered all around, puzzle pieces with bent edges with no discernible image in mind to put them back together. he wants to sleep, he wants to rage and scream until he's empty inside.

instead he clutches at her wrists as her hands cup his face, unthinking as he follows her breathing. her words reach him, but responding in any way feels nigh impossible.

unbelievably, it's a little easier to breathe like this. he starts to lean into her hands, eyelids drooping. ]

I'm scared... I'm scared, Rem. [ because that is what's really at the root of everything, isn't it? even if he doesn't understand it yet. ]

[ She's relieved to see that he's coming down from the panic attack, and he looks so tired, so exhausted in a way she's never seen him before. Nai didn't need food, didn't need sleep, yet right now he looked like he needed both.

Just a normal child after a lot of emotions. ]

I know, honey. I know, and it's okay to be scared. We'll keep Vash safe together, and I'll keep you safe as well.

[ Rem rubs his back again, hoping that he can trust her on this... despite everything. ]

Do you want to come lie down for a while? I'll stay with you.

[ he can't say with any amount of certainty what he believes right now, but rem's hands are warm and her voice is softly comforting and he thinks maybe this is enough for now.

he nods limply as a heaviness settles behind his eyes.

food and water he could go without, and even sleep, but out of three nai doesn't think he'd terribly mind closing his eyes for a while. ]

[ Nodding, she carries him into the room she had finished already, gently laying them both down into the bed and using her cloak as a blanket. ]

Rest, okay? I'm right here, I'm never leaving you.

[ This way she can feel him breathe and his heart beat and know that he's safe. ]

[ the bed isn't much softer than the ones they had on the ship, but tucked against rem he can't help but relax slowly. his eyes nearly fall shut, half fighting the urge even after the intensity of everything that's happened. ]

Will you tell me when Vash comes back?

[ gone out for provisions with no idea when he'll return - if he'll return if another tremor strikes unpredictably. he closes his eyes, sleep fast approaching. ] I want to see him...

Of course. I'm sure we'll hear him, even.

[ There was no point in him sneaking in, after all - and she's going to do what she promised, and stay with her little boy. ]

Close your eyes, love. Everything is okay.

[ Rem hums her song softly, trying her best to soothe him. She's so worried for this boy, but he's still wanting to be in her arms, still clings to her to comfort. It's not too late. ]

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Geranium

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