[Oh. Yeah. Ok. Maybe he should have expected that question to come up, though he feels like the reasoning is easy to figure out. The little smile he'd settled into faded just as quickly as it appeared, and the way he seemed to wilt and avert his eyes, lifting his arms to lean them on the railing in front of him, was the only reaction he gave for a while.]
I...didn't want to, at first. I've spent...a...really long time. Not really showin' myself. I never wanted to cause anyone more pain.
[Instead of fidgeting with his hands like he wanted to, he manifested a cigarette and went through the motions, giving himself another few moments to think about how he wanted to reply.]
Honestly, kiddo, it's just...the way it always was. Before. Ya know? I hate the thought of-...my friend...bein' alone. But lettin' 'im know I'm still here'd just upset 'im. He takes death real seriously. An'...I knew your mom, years ago, or another version of 'er. So when I found 'er out here, I thought she'd know I was here an' just started rattlin' my mouth off, thinkin' she'd remember me and know what was up, and gave 'er a fright. And I couldn't put the cat back into the bag once it was out, right? Told myself I'd only ever talk to her, help keep an eye on the station for her while I waited for my friend, an' then Blondie came home one day and he just knew I was there. I been tryin' t'help out in what ways I can, which isn't much, but I never wanted to scare you or your brother or any of the others.
[He flicked the cigarette out over the edge of the porch, as if shedding the ashes was even needed, before putting it back in his mouth and sighing. Honestly, he could give about a million reasons he's had over the years, a million ways he's thought about what his existence had to mean and had to be, but he didn't think dumping all of that on a kid was really a very good idea.]
Mostly, though, I just...don't like upsettin' people. The few times people've noticed me over the years, it usually ended in screaming or crying. Sometimes both. People don't like bein' subjected to a walking, talking reminder that they're gonna die eventually. I never wanted to do that to anyone, least of all you guys. Things are already fucked up around here as it is, especially lately.
no subject
I...didn't want to, at first. I've spent...a...really long time. Not really showin' myself. I never wanted to cause anyone more pain.
[Instead of fidgeting with his hands like he wanted to, he manifested a cigarette and went through the motions, giving himself another few moments to think about how he wanted to reply.]
Honestly, kiddo, it's just...the way it always was. Before. Ya know? I hate the thought of-...my friend...bein' alone. But lettin' 'im know I'm still here'd just upset 'im. He takes death real seriously. An'...I knew your mom, years ago, or another version of 'er. So when I found 'er out here, I thought she'd know I was here an' just started rattlin' my mouth off, thinkin' she'd remember me and know what was up, and gave 'er a fright. And I couldn't put the cat back into the bag once it was out, right? Told myself I'd only ever talk to her, help keep an eye on the station for her while I waited for my friend, an' then Blondie came home one day and he just knew I was there. I been tryin' t'help out in what ways I can, which isn't much, but I never wanted to scare you or your brother or any of the others.
[He flicked the cigarette out over the edge of the porch, as if shedding the ashes was even needed, before putting it back in his mouth and sighing. Honestly, he could give about a million reasons he's had over the years, a million ways he's thought about what his existence had to mean and had to be, but he didn't think dumping all of that on a kid was really a very good idea.]
Mostly, though, I just...don't like upsettin' people. The few times people've noticed me over the years, it usually ended in screaming or crying. Sometimes both. People don't like bein' subjected to a walking, talking reminder that they're gonna die eventually. I never wanted to do that to anyone, least of all you guys. Things are already fucked up around here as it is, especially lately.