[The constant champing at his nails did not go unnoticed, and Vash wondered dimly if this one didn't smoke, or if he just didn't have any smokes on hand. He might have had Nick's lighter safely tucked in his pocket, but he had never made the leap to smoking himself, though there were times when the scent of someone doing it when he was walking through towns would hit him and it was like a punch in the gut. If he had, he would have offered them to him.
Maybe when they got to town, he could find him some. He could just...toss them away, if it turned out that those were one of the differences between the two.
The answer made him look over in mild surprise, though more at the emotion behind it and the insistence that he not tell anyone about it than anything else. He shook his head quickly, his eyes flicking to watch that rock fly off into the distance absentmindedly before refocusing on him.]
No, no, of course not! I wouldn't, not a peep, I promise.
[Any relief he might have felt over the thought that he couldn't get himself killed that way was tempered with the concern for his continued safety, and by the specific words he'd said, "pretending to be human," as if he weren't. And it wasn't as if he didn't already know about Wolfwood's own demons, how much he hated himself. The memory of how deeply his self-hatred had run all the way until his death still haunted Vash. He hated it, knowing that Nicholas felt so poorly of himself, that those same bitter thoughts he thought about himself seemed to be shared by one of the kindest, most caring humans he'd ever met, regardless of the awful things he'd been forced to do.
But he worried that any reassurances he might have offered would be sorely unappreciated. This Wolfwood reminded him a little too much of the man he'd been when they'd first been traveling, when he was still surly and grouchy more often than he was friendly and companionable.
And as much as it hurt, to be walking with him, talking to him, his mind wanting to slot him firmly into the gaps the other man had left when he died, he knew that it wasn't fair to the man who was still alive, to expect him to just be the same. He wasn't. So Vash really, probably, should just hold his tongue a bit, and let the silence linger between them, for both of their sakes.
Still...]
...For what it's worth, I think you're one of the better humans around.
[The little smile he gave him probably said exactly how well he expected the words to be received, but he needed to say them, anyway. Sorry, Wolfwood. He can't not be a dumb, affectionate sap at you.]
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Maybe when they got to town, he could find him some. He could just...toss them away, if it turned out that those were one of the differences between the two.
The answer made him look over in mild surprise, though more at the emotion behind it and the insistence that he not tell anyone about it than anything else. He shook his head quickly, his eyes flicking to watch that rock fly off into the distance absentmindedly before refocusing on him.]
No, no, of course not! I wouldn't, not a peep, I promise.
[Any relief he might have felt over the thought that he couldn't get himself killed that way was tempered with the concern for his continued safety, and by the specific words he'd said, "pretending to be human," as if he weren't. And it wasn't as if he didn't already know about Wolfwood's own demons, how much he hated himself. The memory of how deeply his self-hatred had run all the way until his death still haunted Vash. He hated it, knowing that Nicholas felt so poorly of himself, that those same bitter thoughts he thought about himself seemed to be shared by one of the kindest, most caring humans he'd ever met, regardless of the awful things he'd been forced to do.
But he worried that any reassurances he might have offered would be sorely unappreciated. This Wolfwood reminded him a little too much of the man he'd been when they'd first been traveling, when he was still surly and grouchy more often than he was friendly and companionable.
And as much as it hurt, to be walking with him, talking to him, his mind wanting to slot him firmly into the gaps the other man had left when he died, he knew that it wasn't fair to the man who was still alive, to expect him to just be the same. He wasn't. So Vash really, probably, should just hold his tongue a bit, and let the silence linger between them, for both of their sakes.
Still...]
...For what it's worth, I think you're one of the better humans around.
[The little smile he gave him probably said exactly how well he expected the words to be received, but he needed to say them, anyway. Sorry, Wolfwood. He can't not be a dumb, affectionate sap at you.]