The sound of his voice as he burrowed against him, even being softer and gentler than the other Vash's tended to be, scrambled his thoughts even more than they were before. He knew that this wasn't the man he owed the most apologies. That didn't mean he didn't mean them any less, now that the landslide of emotions had begun. And the kiss to his temple only scrambled his thoughts worse, because they had never spoken about it, but he remembered lips pressing against his forehead just as gently, as he'd lost consciousness the first day he'd met this version of the man, when he'd been delirious and begging for absolution for the pain he was putting the other through, when he thought he was feeling the last of his life fade away into nothingness.

How? How could he be so kind, after what he'd done? And how could the man he'd hurt so badly even bear to look at him, last night?

"I can't-...I can't take it back! I can't make up for that! I don't know what to do, how do I make up for this??? Please, please, tell me what to do, tell me how to make it up to him, I don't know...!"

Was it even fair to ask that of this man? He wasn't the one he needed to atone to, not for this. His head was a mess, he felt so lost, he could barely even think straight.

So instead, he just sobbed, broken and shaking, shattering years of holding it back, pretending it hadn't happened, trying to forget the way the world had felt like it was falling apart around him and knowing he was leaving behind a man he loved, but that he was also causing so much pain.