[It sure looked a lot like crying to him, though there was definitely a different sort of edge to it than he was used to sensing in him when he was upset. Either way, he worried he'd locked up again, like he'd seen him do when that bastard Leonof had sprung his twisted little trap with the puppets. He was willing to take the fact that he hadn't blown an entire blood vessel in his eye as a good sign. Seeing him literally crying blood was haunting enough for one lifetime, thanks.
When he saw him swaying on his feet, he almost shifted to close the gap, worried he was going to fall, but then the sound of Knives shouting out from behind was enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and he turned when Vash did, staring back at the kid in wary bewilderment. He realized dimly that the two of them intended to leave, and he felt a jolt of worry lance through him; No, Vash - the other Vash - couldn't leave yet! They had to find Nico, he needed to make sure they were both safe! He didn't want to just let him wander off, out of his life, even if he'd found his way back to the man he had known longer!
But he realized dimly that no, Nai had no intention of letting either of them go, and he settled down again slowly, before givng a bemused look at the kid when he stuck his tongue out at him, not even feeling the least bit ashamed when he returned the expression like the mature adult that he was.
He hadn't even looked away from the two as they walked off when Vash turned his anger on him, and his eyes widened slightly as his attention jerked back in his direction. It took him a moment, just looking at him, feeling the emotion coming off of him, before his own expression softened again, falling into something somewhat more neutral. Something apologetic.]
...Yeah, alright. I deserve that.
[His mouth twitched in what wanted to be a conciliatory smile, but it was gone before it could fully manifest. Two years. He hadn't seen him in over two. Fucking. years. And God, now that the shock of first seeing him was over, he found himself caught in a similar state of shock that Vash seemed to have been in moments before; unable to look away, studying every little difference, everything that was the same. The things that made him different from the other Vash, that his brain had started blurring in his memory the longer away he was and the more time he spent with the other one.
He gave a small, sharp exhale, an attempt at a laugh, as he reached up to flick at his own fringe, a gesture that was meant to draw attention to the little black tufts of hair that now hung down in Vash's face.]
Nice hair, Needle-Noggin. 'S a good look on you.
[Only it wasn't, was it? That was supposed to be bad, wasn't it? He wasn't sure what had caused it, but he knew that it wasn't a good thing, and he had never felt comfortable asking. So he felt like an asshole just as soon as the words left his mouth, and the attempt at a good-natured bit of ribbing ended just as quickly as it had started.]
Hey, Vash-...I'm...[His voice cracked, and he frowned, clearing his throat.] I'm sorry. I...I know you didn't want to hear it...I don't think I even knew how to say it...back at the orphanage...but...I am. I really fucked up. I didn't-...
[Ah, Fuck. Suddenly, it was like those two years hadn't happened, like he was finding himself suddenly awake and alive after feeling his heart stuttering and stopping in his chest and letting the darkness swallow him up, only this time it wasn't a man with a different-but-not face sitting next to him, looking lost and frightened for him and bewildered. He clutched at his shirt with his free hand, his heart hurting for an entirely different reason than it had then, but still hurting nonetheless.]
I didn't wanna distract you. You had more important things to worry about, but I was dumb. I shoulda known you wouldn't...You wouldn't...just leave me to-...[Fuck. Alright. He didn't have alcohol and post-regenerative fog clouding his thoughts and making it easier to say things he would never have said otherwise. And he didn't have the luxury of thinking he was hallucinating a man who was close enough to the one in front of him in his final moments that he could give his thoughts to freely. He shook his head, gritting his teeth against the hurt he felt, knowing how much pain he'd caused with one idiotic decision.
He took a deep breath, his face pulling into a frown, and when he spoke again, it was in a rush through clenched teeth as he physically forced the words out of his mouth before he could second-guess himself.]
I thought it would be easier for you, if I was just...gone. I couldn't leave the kids to die because've me, but you had more important things to worry about than dealing with the consequences of my actions. But I was stupid, I wasn't giving you enough credit, I should've known you...[And he'd lost steam again. He glanced away, his jaw flexing as he tried to keep his composure.] You've always been a better man than I ever could be. I'm sorry I...[Left you behind. Hurt you. Got myself killed. All of the above, and none of them he could force out into words, not yet.]
OK HERE WE GO after dozing off at my desk FINALLY FINISHED IT
When he saw him swaying on his feet, he almost shifted to close the gap, worried he was going to fall, but then the sound of Knives shouting out from behind was enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, and he turned when Vash did, staring back at the kid in wary bewilderment. He realized dimly that the two of them intended to leave, and he felt a jolt of worry lance through him; No, Vash - the other Vash - couldn't leave yet! They had to find Nico, he needed to make sure they were both safe! He didn't want to just let him wander off, out of his life, even if he'd found his way back to the man he had known longer!
But he realized dimly that no, Nai had no intention of letting either of them go, and he settled down again slowly, before givng a bemused look at the kid when he stuck his tongue out at him, not even feeling the least bit ashamed when he returned the expression like the mature adult that he was.
He hadn't even looked away from the two as they walked off when Vash turned his anger on him, and his eyes widened slightly as his attention jerked back in his direction. It took him a moment, just looking at him, feeling the emotion coming off of him, before his own expression softened again, falling into something somewhat more neutral. Something apologetic.]
...Yeah, alright. I deserve that.
[His mouth twitched in what wanted to be a conciliatory smile, but it was gone before it could fully manifest. Two years. He hadn't seen him in over two. Fucking. years. And God, now that the shock of first seeing him was over, he found himself caught in a similar state of shock that Vash seemed to have been in moments before; unable to look away, studying every little difference, everything that was the same. The things that made him different from the other Vash, that his brain had started blurring in his memory the longer away he was and the more time he spent with the other one.
He gave a small, sharp exhale, an attempt at a laugh, as he reached up to flick at his own fringe, a gesture that was meant to draw attention to the little black tufts of hair that now hung down in Vash's face.]
Nice hair, Needle-Noggin. 'S a good look on you.
[Only it wasn't, was it? That was supposed to be bad, wasn't it? He wasn't sure what had caused it, but he knew that it wasn't a good thing, and he had never felt comfortable asking. So he felt like an asshole just as soon as the words left his mouth, and the attempt at a good-natured bit of ribbing ended just as quickly as it had started.]
Hey, Vash-...I'm...[His voice cracked, and he frowned, clearing his throat.] I'm sorry. I...I know you didn't want to hear it...I don't think I even knew how to say it...back at the orphanage...but...I am. I really fucked up. I didn't-...
[Ah, Fuck. Suddenly, it was like those two years hadn't happened, like he was finding himself suddenly awake and alive after feeling his heart stuttering and stopping in his chest and letting the darkness swallow him up, only this time it wasn't a man with a different-but-not face sitting next to him, looking lost and frightened for him and bewildered. He clutched at his shirt with his free hand, his heart hurting for an entirely different reason than it had then, but still hurting nonetheless.]
I didn't wanna distract you. You had more important things to worry about, but I was dumb. I shoulda known you wouldn't...You wouldn't...just leave me to-...[Fuck. Alright. He didn't have alcohol and post-regenerative fog clouding his thoughts and making it easier to say things he would never have said otherwise. And he didn't have the luxury of thinking he was hallucinating a man who was close enough to the one in front of him in his final moments that he could give his thoughts to freely. He shook his head, gritting his teeth against the hurt he felt, knowing how much pain he'd caused with one idiotic decision.
He took a deep breath, his face pulling into a frown, and when he spoke again, it was in a rush through clenched teeth as he physically forced the words out of his mouth before he could second-guess himself.]
I thought it would be easier for you, if I was just...gone. I couldn't leave the kids to die because've me, but you had more important things to worry about than dealing with the consequences of my actions. But I was stupid, I wasn't giving you enough credit, I should've known you...[And he'd lost steam again. He glanced away, his jaw flexing as he tried to keep his composure.] You've always been a better man than I ever could be. I'm sorry I...[Left you behind. Hurt you. Got myself killed. All of the above, and none of them he could force out into words, not yet.]