He shifted a little when he felt him hunching his shoulders, sighing to himself as he let him talk. There were times when he could almost forget, when Vash was doing his best to appear happy and calm and without a care in the world, just what Luida had told him. But the more time he spent around him, any version of him, it seemed, the more impossible it was not to see just how much he hurt, how much he felt like he needed to hurt. It was maddening, sometimes. Time and time again, Vash had proven himself to be more deserving of happiness than so many people he'd suffered for. And it hurt Wolfwood, too, in a way he couldn't quite explain. Watching him beat himself up, let himself be tormented, when he deserved so much better. If there was something he could have done that could finally get through to him, to show him just how much he mattered, he would have done it in an instant.
But life was never that easy, was it? Especially not, it seemed, when you lived long enough to watch everyone you love die, and then their children, and their children.
"...I wish I had the answers for you, I really do." He turned his head to rest his chin against the top of Vash's head and held him a little tighter. "You keep trying, over and over again, to take on everyone else's pain, but it really doesn't work that way, I'm sorry. And I know you just want to help, but...Vash, you're not God. Maybe the closest damn thing to it on this speck of dirt, but you're still just..."
Not human, no. Not technically. But that didn't mean he had less humanity than anyone else, with all it's frailties and hardships.
"You're still just one man. You can't keep blaming yourself because you're not perfect. Nobody is. It's not your responsibility to be everyone's punching bag. You deserve to be happy, too."
But...again. It was never that easy, was it? Not with that much pain, not with everything he'd been through. Some hurts just never really went away, and there were people who hadn't had the courage to keep going after enduring much less than Vash had. How was he supposed to even fix that?
He gave a small, sad smile, shifting again and pressing his face against Vash's cheek before he realized just what he was doing, though he didn't move away once he had.
"I know it's not really something that just happens, though. No amount of words from me is gonna fix it, and I'm sorry. But you don't have to suffer alone, you know? It's alright to ask for help if you need it. Even if it's just...a hug, or takin' a break. You've got people who love you an' want you to be happy. But you also don't have to pretend just to appease 'em, either. Just let 'em help if you're hurtin'. That's...that's all we wanna do, is help. We can handle it, I promise.
I...know we don't live as long as you do, but...at least let us help make things easier on you while we're here, alright? And I mean it. I can tell when you're hidin' behind those fake smiles'a yours. Always been able to." The little chuckle he gave was just a bandage on a bullet wound. More than likely, Vash would take everything he'd said and find a way of turning it around on himself, blaming himself for worrying the people who cared about him. But he needed to hear it, that people wanted to help. Sometimes he wondered just how often he'd been told. How often people had just let him take their burdens without complaint, without thanks, and without a thought to how it left him just a little bit more hollow inside.
LOOK DON'T MAKE HIM MAKE PROMISES HE CAN'T KEEP OK
But life was never that easy, was it? Especially not, it seemed, when you lived long enough to watch everyone you love die, and then their children, and their children.
"...I wish I had the answers for you, I really do." He turned his head to rest his chin against the top of Vash's head and held him a little tighter. "You keep trying, over and over again, to take on everyone else's pain, but it really doesn't work that way, I'm sorry. And I know you just want to help, but...Vash, you're not God. Maybe the closest damn thing to it on this speck of dirt, but you're still just..."
Not human, no. Not technically. But that didn't mean he had less humanity than anyone else, with all it's frailties and hardships.
"You're still just one man. You can't keep blaming yourself because you're not perfect. Nobody is. It's not your responsibility to be everyone's punching bag. You deserve to be happy, too."
But...again. It was never that easy, was it? Not with that much pain, not with everything he'd been through. Some hurts just never really went away, and there were people who hadn't had the courage to keep going after enduring much less than Vash had. How was he supposed to even fix that?
He gave a small, sad smile, shifting again and pressing his face against Vash's cheek before he realized just what he was doing, though he didn't move away once he had.
"I know it's not really something that just happens, though. No amount of words from me is gonna fix it, and I'm sorry. But you don't have to suffer alone, you know? It's alright to ask for help if you need it. Even if it's just...a hug, or takin' a break. You've got people who love you an' want you to be happy. But you also don't have to pretend just to appease 'em, either. Just let 'em help if you're hurtin'. That's...that's all we wanna do, is help. We can handle it, I promise.
I...know we don't live as long as you do, but...at least let us help make things easier on you while we're here, alright? And I mean it. I can tell when you're hidin' behind those fake smiles'a yours. Always been able to." The little chuckle he gave was just a bandage on a bullet wound. More than likely, Vash would take everything he'd said and find a way of turning it around on himself, blaming himself for worrying the people who cared about him. But he needed to hear it, that people wanted to help. Sometimes he wondered just how often he'd been told. How often people had just let him take their burdens without complaint, without thanks, and without a thought to how it left him just a little bit more hollow inside.