[He looked taken aback at the sudden shift, and the way Livio's expression fell and his words bounced around in his own head in a loop of cognitive dissonance made him feel conflicted and guilty. It wasn't the same, couldn't be the same. But having someone frame it that way - his age when it had happened and how parallel Livio seemed to think it was to his own life - hadn't ever really been laid out for him in such a direct way.
He was upset with himself for making the man feel that guilt, bringing that to the surface because he was wallowing in his own self-pity, and he hated that Livio felt he was in any way responsible for what had been done to him, but at the same time, his words caused a strange little tussle in his head - He had been only a child, he hadn't known any better, but he'd still done things that directly contributed to the pain that was happening all around him, but how could he have known? He'd been so young, life had been so easy before Tessla and he hadn't had the frame of reference to recognize the decline Knives had begun, but shouldn't he have at least tried more to help when he knew he was hurting anyway?
He was quiet for a long while, emotions flickering across his face that hinted at a bit of the struggle he was having, making sense of it all. In the end, his expression settled on something that said the thoughts might not have really sorted themselves out yet, but at the very least something had come out on top, and the rest could be considered more later, when he wasn't dragging someone else down with his problems.]
I guess...I'm still just trying to find the answers, is all. But I hope you're able to find peace with what happened. I...I never really asked what your story was. Didn't feel like it was my place, and I know how hard it can be, to dredge up old hurts. But I know, as hard as life can be for other people, for the kids who grew up like you and Nicholas...it's like everything is stacked against you. [He gave him a small, sad smile, and at least this one seemed more genuine. He really believed what he was saying, even if he still struggled with his own guilt.] You've done the best you could. I know you blame yourself, but...you're still a good man, Livio. I couldn't have done what I did without your help.
no subject
He was upset with himself for making the man feel that guilt, bringing that to the surface because he was wallowing in his own self-pity, and he hated that Livio felt he was in any way responsible for what had been done to him, but at the same time, his words caused a strange little tussle in his head - He had been only a child, he hadn't known any better, but he'd still done things that directly contributed to the pain that was happening all around him, but how could he have known? He'd been so young, life had been so easy before Tessla and he hadn't had the frame of reference to recognize the decline Knives had begun, but shouldn't he have at least tried more to help when he knew he was hurting anyway?
He was quiet for a long while, emotions flickering across his face that hinted at a bit of the struggle he was having, making sense of it all. In the end, his expression settled on something that said the thoughts might not have really sorted themselves out yet, but at the very least something had come out on top, and the rest could be considered more later, when he wasn't dragging someone else down with his problems.]
I guess...I'm still just trying to find the answers, is all. But I hope you're able to find peace with what happened. I...I never really asked what your story was. Didn't feel like it was my place, and I know how hard it can be, to dredge up old hurts. But I know, as hard as life can be for other people, for the kids who grew up like you and Nicholas...it's like everything is stacked against you. [He gave him a small, sad smile, and at least this one seemed more genuine. He really believed what he was saying, even if he still struggled with his own guilt.] You've done the best you could. I know you blame yourself, but...you're still a good man, Livio. I couldn't have done what I did without your help.