[The feeling of his hand being held like that was so strange in how it made him feel like something was squeezing around his heart, but also helped pull him out of his head. He wasn't used to touch, not the kind that came from care and kindness and concern. Always keeping people at a distance, never letting them get close enough that they felt comfortable showing him the same reassuring contact when he might have needed it that he did his best to give to others despite his brain telling him it was too dangerous for them.
Now, it slowly drew him out of the hunched curl of his shoulders, until even his prosthetic was lowering slowly from the defensive guard against his face, shifting slowly to hold the ball of their hands from beneath, wanting even the muted, dulled relays of touch from the sensors that were wired from the thing and into the nerves in what was left of his arm.]
It's...it's too much. It...[Almost drove him over the edge. Almost killed him. He'd had a couple days between losing Nicholas and getting to Octovern to begin to compartmentalize and steel himself for what was going to happen, and it had still almost been too much. But to have it shoved into his head all at once? He shook his head in short, jerky movements, gave the other a soft, pained sound.]
It's just what I-...It's what we do, isn't it? Nobody else can do it, so we have to take their place. [Taking the abuses, blocking the bullets with his own body, protecting people, helping them, keeping them safe at the expense of his own well-being. What else was he supposed to do? At least if he was the one carrying these burdens, no one else had to hurt.] I don't know how to do anything else.
[Even to the point of wishing he could have not inflicted that pain on the other him, could have let him stay ignorant and safe. And that thought made his eyes widen, finally looking up at the other man.]
Maybe...maybe you don't have to. I've already done it, right? I wouldn't be here if I hadn't. So...so you don't have to go through it, it's already done!
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Now, it slowly drew him out of the hunched curl of his shoulders, until even his prosthetic was lowering slowly from the defensive guard against his face, shifting slowly to hold the ball of their hands from beneath, wanting even the muted, dulled relays of touch from the sensors that were wired from the thing and into the nerves in what was left of his arm.]
It's...it's too much. It...[Almost drove him over the edge. Almost killed him. He'd had a couple days between losing Nicholas and getting to Octovern to begin to compartmentalize and steel himself for what was going to happen, and it had still almost been too much. But to have it shoved into his head all at once? He shook his head in short, jerky movements, gave the other a soft, pained sound.]
It's just what I-...It's what we do, isn't it? Nobody else can do it, so we have to take their place. [Taking the abuses, blocking the bullets with his own body, protecting people, helping them, keeping them safe at the expense of his own well-being. What else was he supposed to do? At least if he was the one carrying these burdens, no one else had to hurt.] I don't know how to do anything else.
[Even to the point of wishing he could have not inflicted that pain on the other him, could have let him stay ignorant and safe. And that thought made his eyes widen, finally looking up at the other man.]
Maybe...maybe you don't have to. I've already done it, right? I wouldn't be here if I hadn't. So...so you don't have to go through it, it's already done!