[He barely even registered when the Vash between them was moving away and he was reaching out to grasp onto the offered hand, dropping onto the bed next to the other man and leaning faintly into his space. His brow furrowed, though, the tone of his voice at least getting his foggy brain to recognize that he should at least try and pay attention, so he shifted and stared up at him as he spoke, and then back down at their hands when Vash's gaze moved to look at how well their hands just seemed to fit.
The words he spoke registered strangely in his mind, as if he'd heard them before, and it was clear on his face that he was trying to grab onto the thought and pull it up to the surface, his eyes going unfocused, glancing back at him, across the room, back to stare distractedly at his opposite shoulder as if he could find the answers to what was happening there.]
I told you, didn't I? I know I have. Have to've...[The sound of those words spoken by that voice were echoing in his head, or at the very least words that were so similar that they sounded like an echo in his mind. When he couldn't figure out why or where the memory seemed to come from, he sighed, and turning his head so he could look up at him, he dropped his chin onto his shoulder, leaning his weight against his arm.] Maybe not. Dunno. Don't care, either way. You're wrong. Wait. No. I mean...You're thinkin' about it wrong. 'S not your fault. Never been your fault. They hurt you. I know you. You never wan'ed t'hurt anybody.
[He was close to drifting off, his legs wiggling just for the novelty of feeling the muscles moving while numbed by the alcohol in his veins, his eyes drifting closed.]
But me...Hurtin' people's...easy. Don't enjoy it, no, but...Before you, I...didn't care. Not as much. What's a few random assholes, if it kept the kids safe? I pulled the trigger every time, an' I didn't care. That's the difference between you an' me...your heart's still clean. You never stopped carin'.
[Before he'd met Vash, he'd been able to tell himself he didn't care about anything but the kids. He would have murdered thousands more and never batted an eye. When you were as far gone as he was, what was one more, ten more, hundreds? They'd pushed him past the point of no return when he wasn't even old enough to drink.
Those were the thoughts that went unvoiced, though, as he felt Vash moving his hand from his cheek, his eyes opening to watch as he kissed the back of it. The look on his face melted into a genuine smile, his eyebrows arching up as his eyes closed again, his face shifting to press against his shoulder, and it was obvious how out of it he was that he didn't even think about what he was doing when he nuzzled his cheek against his sturdy frame, turning just enough that he could press his lips against his coat in short, gentle pecks. The fingers in the hand he held wriggled, trying to touch, to brush against his face, but he was too jelly-limbed and pliant and didn't want to made him break the kiss on his hand, so he let him continue to hold it as long as he wanted and just sighed. Affectionate and open in a way that showed how far his walls had come down, at least for now, past the point of caring what was expected of him, or why he shouldn't bare his heart for all to see, and so far gone that the affections were mindlessly offered in a half-dozing fog.]
no subject
The words he spoke registered strangely in his mind, as if he'd heard them before, and it was clear on his face that he was trying to grab onto the thought and pull it up to the surface, his eyes going unfocused, glancing back at him, across the room, back to stare distractedly at his opposite shoulder as if he could find the answers to what was happening there.]
I told you, didn't I? I know I have. Have to've...[The sound of those words spoken by that voice were echoing in his head, or at the very least words that were so similar that they sounded like an echo in his mind. When he couldn't figure out why or where the memory seemed to come from, he sighed, and turning his head so he could look up at him, he dropped his chin onto his shoulder, leaning his weight against his arm.] Maybe not. Dunno. Don't care, either way. You're wrong. Wait. No. I mean...You're thinkin' about it wrong. 'S not your fault. Never been your fault. They hurt you. I know you. You never wan'ed t'hurt anybody.
[He was close to drifting off, his legs wiggling just for the novelty of feeling the muscles moving while numbed by the alcohol in his veins, his eyes drifting closed.]
But me...Hurtin' people's...easy. Don't enjoy it, no, but...Before you, I...didn't care. Not as much. What's a few random assholes, if it kept the kids safe? I pulled the trigger every time, an' I didn't care. That's the difference between you an' me...your heart's still clean. You never stopped carin'.
[Before he'd met Vash, he'd been able to tell himself he didn't care about anything but the kids. He would have murdered thousands more and never batted an eye. When you were as far gone as he was, what was one more, ten more, hundreds? They'd pushed him past the point of no return when he wasn't even old enough to drink.
Those were the thoughts that went unvoiced, though, as he felt Vash moving his hand from his cheek, his eyes opening to watch as he kissed the back of it. The look on his face melted into a genuine smile, his eyebrows arching up as his eyes closed again, his face shifting to press against his shoulder, and it was obvious how out of it he was that he didn't even think about what he was doing when he nuzzled his cheek against his sturdy frame, turning just enough that he could press his lips against his coat in short, gentle pecks. The fingers in the hand he held wriggled, trying to touch, to brush against his face, but he was too jelly-limbed and pliant and didn't want to made him break the kiss on his hand, so he let him continue to hold it as long as he wanted and just sighed. Affectionate and open in a way that showed how far his walls had come down, at least for now, past the point of caring what was expected of him, or why he shouldn't bare his heart for all to see, and so far gone that the affections were mindlessly offered in a half-dozing fog.]